Come Back to Me

By default, I'm generally a "the glass if half full" type of person. I try to keep things light/optimistic/it will get better mentality-if you will. Lately, however, I have been seriously doubting/questioning this theory/mind-set.

I've found myself wondering if there is such a concept as previous and/or post-life/reincarnation. Why?? Well, I'm generally a nice person. 95% of the time I'm polite/compassionate/give people/situations the benefit of the doubt. I always look for the positive side of things. BUT, that line of thinking hasn't gotten me very far. I'm starting to believe that, if there is such a thing as previous lives, I must have been serial killer in my previous life. Why else would I be in the situation I'm in? How does one end up in the position I am in? Never once in my life, have I had so much frustration/rage at a particular person and situation. Talk about going from the fryer to the frying pan. I'd rather be sitting at home collecting unemployment and facing repossession or eviction!

More importantly I'm disgusted by the fact that I have become (and I'm being brutally honest) a bit*h. I've started to snap and snarl at those who are a part of my inner circle. I've been short with those who are offering words of support and encouragement, while maintaining the up-most patience with the person/situation who is causing such a dramatic mood change in the first place! =(

I'm at a loss of words to describe what I deal with at work. Even more so, I'm disappointed in myself at how I've channeled the frustration towards "my people." I must find a solution to this problem. I must seek out new position that will make me happy or at least have me well on my way to being satisfied so I can come back to me. Thanks DC.

Write to Me and Escape

I'm not much into health food; I am into champagne ;) I'm actually more into beers, margaritas & whiskey ;) but you get the point. I had to escape the insanity of the last few weeks and regain the momentum I had gained and lost. And did I escape!... to a little place called Rhode Island.

I didn't do a damn thing all weekend except drink my beverages, swap gossip with the familia, read trashy magazines & work on my tan. It's amazing how refreshing it can be to simply drive 75 miles away from one's home and do nothing! A few good hours in the sun, a few good beers with a few good people. I was good to go!

What-the-f*ck Ever!

Breaking Point/Critical Moment/Boiling Point/Moment of Truth..call it what you like, but we all reach a point when we've just had enough! For some of us, these moments happen frequently, but others, they are a rare occasion.

I am experiencing my 1st all out, 5 alarm fall out! AND I can honestly say I have a new found respect for those who go through "fall outs" on the regular. I don't know how they deal! I managed to escape from the insane asylum for lunch-at 3:00pm-the other day and was that worked up I was crying and screaming into a pillow! Tonight, I'm listening to Hanson, circa 1997 Mmbop days.Yeah.

I must "get back on track" and crawl out of this funk! Impossible!! you say!! NEVER!! I will work past the CT. Dept. of Labor not paying me my unemployment, I will work past the physco job, I will work past the loony-toon boss, I will get back to the gym and shed the recently gained pounds! I can NOT do anything else; it wouldn't be ME!

So, how does 1 accomplish this? Well, I don't know about 1, but I have once again curbed the alcohol intake, started to pay my respects to the gym again, I have become a city volunteer! Yes, I am on my way to becoming a full fledged animal shelter volunteer. BUT, perhaps, the most important step towards sanity, I have once again adopted my, I just don't give a f*ck attitude ;)

I Have a Lot of Rage...

& it led to something that I never do.Twice-in 1 day.I cried;twice.I simply can't take the woman.For the 1st time in my "professional" life, I have considered abandoning ship! Having my intelligence underestimated/under minded half the day & being told, "oo you must have forgotten," when in fact I had never been told, is getting really old. Some poor woman got up and was about to walk out today because of the woman's attitude! Words can not describe how rude/crazy/ghetto fabolous the woman is.

BUT,we do what we must sometimes.So I shed a tear during my lunch break (at 3:00pm) and proceeded to stay until 6:30 to see the aforementioned hostile woman. After escaping from the loony bin, I ventured to the gym. I haven't visited my gym quite as regularly as I usually do, so I was pleased when I had a good work-out and released a portion of the rage I was feeling and was able to re-think the game plan. No, ladies and gentleman, I have not forgotten Operation B Goes Hard or law school, but I will admit that I have derailed from the plan, but I am pleased to announce that after today, I am slowly feeling my way back ;)

Come Fly with Me

To Mississippi...??? Hell, I'll take an all expense paid trip anywhere! The Deep South was plenty interesting. Rental cars left with the keys in the ignition, no radio reception, no-one can give directions, the International Airport closed down at 6pm cus sugar dem's just when we close!What they aren't lacking is the infamous Southern Hospitality. Even while giving terrible directions-they were able to charm this coolly polite Easterner.

I only had a few hours to explore the Magnolia State and I was determined to make the most of it. I cruised around and took in the spectacular site of never-ending trees and grass. 1 old street, had an oak-lined covered "bridge."I kept stopping at various gas stations and stores just to hear a heavily accented voice inquire if ma'am needed some help.mmhhmm. Even learning that my flight was delayed didn't deter me from enjoying the friendliness and openness of the South. After exploring the International Airport's 1 store, I took up residence in the 1 and only cantina. It was then that I was slightly annoyed for 1st time, after the kind bartender informed me that, "no ma'am we don't got them Coors Light here." My annoyance quickly dissolved though after 2 good ol' cowboys befriended me and started asking questions about "dem big citays and all them's peoples." Before long, our friendly banter had grown to include 2 other stranded travelers. All too soon, it was 6 o'clock and it was last call. I had thoroughly been charmed by Mississippi and her people.

After departing Jackson, I became stranded in Atlanta. Ironically, the guy across the aisle from me had interviewed for the same job. I had a travel buddy-yay! We stood in line and waited for Delta to announce our fate for the evening. Fate had me going 1 way and my travel buddy another. I got slightly nervous on the bus drive to the hotel; the area started to get shadier and shadier, but nothing prepared me or my bus companions for the greeting we got at the local Comfort Inn. We stepped off the bus and a large and in-charge man, complete with a MJ tribute shirt and drink in had welcomed us to the hotel. He proceeded to bash Delta and give out coupons for the club right around the corner proclaiming the best thing about it, was the drinks! My luck had finally changed and I was the 1st in line to check-in. I got my key and approached the welcoming committee and asked to be pointed in the direction of the discounted club. Not surprising, he escorted me around the corner and informed me that he was a Harlem boy originally. We came around the corner and unbelievably loud ol' skool rap was blaring and a huge bouncer was at the door. I thanked my escort and braced myself for what lay ahead. Ha! There was a karaoke section set up and 3 middle-aged white women sitting at the bar waiting for their order. It was like being on the set of some tacky B-list movie. I swallowed down a laugh and ordered my usual Coors Light, but once again was informed that, "ma'am we don't got that Coors Light." What's with the South hating on the Rockies? Once again, I soon had a companion to share my Miller Light with. I swapped stories with the nice boy from Kansas who was going on a month long back-packing tour through Europe and waited for my take-out.

What should have been a 1 day trip ended up being a day and a half adventure. After touching down in NY, I was exhausted and dreading going straight to work, but I noticed that I was more calm and relaxed than I had been a day and a half before. It was refreshing to be around genuine friendly people who weren't constantly checking the time and rushing from place to place.

How Do We Say Goodbye?

With a touching ceremony befitting a king. The world gathered today to pay respects to the King of Pop. It was a moving celebration with the Jackson family displaying an open-ness so rarely seen. Differences aside, the world came together today to celebrate and mourn the life of Michael Jackson. Even the most hardened were choked up when MJ's young daughter proclaimed her love for her father.

What an amazing young lady-1 of the 1st in the family to come to her feet when Rev. Al Sharpton proclaimed, "I want his children to know there was nothing strange about your daddy, it was strange what your daddy had to deal with." We can only imagine the type of unorthodox life Michael and his children led. What was clear though, was the love this family had for their father, son, uncle, cousin, nephew, etc.

Michael was the 1st and I dare say, the only celebrity, who will ever have such a dramatic impact on me. My heart and prayers go out to his 3 children and his entire family. I and the world cried along with you today.