I Get By With a Little Help...

Without music, there would be no me.I live my life via the beat of a drum;the strum of a guitar; the heartbreak often found in the lyrics of a country song;the stroke my ego gets from the sick lyrics of a rap song.Sometimes Bruce Springsteen can speak to me like no-one else.Other times, Eminem soothes my soul and rights my world.But in times of darkness, turmoil and change I turn, always, to Guns n' Roses.

On a cold, windy November day, the iconic November Rain and Don't Cry played over and over on my stereo and in my head.As I sat and watched countless lives be forever changed, waiting for the moment mine would to, and struggled to keep my composure, I found comfort in the haunting lyrics.

To all the musicians that get me through life, I tip my hat and say thank-you.Through your art,I will embrace the newest chapter in my life.

Something is Changing Inside of Me....

October.My favorite month.Halloween.My favorite holiday.Ironically, I haven't had much fun in October the past few years and this year is proving no different.I've embraced the changing seasons, yet haven't ventured to DD for my cherished pumpkin muffin.It's time to protest the circus and yet I feel no enthusiasm.I am going through the motions.Guns n'Roses is on repeat reminding me that it's alright, nothing lasts forever and urging me not to cry. And yet, I find no comfort in the touching lyrics.They simply are not speaking to me as in years gone by.What's different?


Myself.That's what different.I've been through the ringer and am not so easily soothed by a few whimsical lines.Nothing is alright;things do last forever;and sometimes you can't stem the tears.

And yet,as always I'm determined to make it.I've embraced NYC.I've embraced my endless days.I've embraced the outrageous taxes I pay.I now know that I can make it anywhere (or so they tell me.)I'm ready to shrug off the drudgery of the last few years and step back into the light.Operation Bag B is not only in full effect,but it's a mild success.So what that the highlight of my day is catching a glimpse of a person with enough "nervous energy" for 12.He doesn't have Bette Davis eyes...he has kind eyes.For all the "nervous energy," simply catching that glimpse,is enough to steady my world and remind me that not everyone is out for themselves; that things will be alright.

He has indeed,brought me back to life.

At Last

The skies above are blue.I found a dream that I could speak to.A dream that I can call my own.I found a thrill that I have never known...at last....

I found myself in the city so nice they named it twice, the big apple, the place they say that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. Since my adventures in NY have begun, I have been alive in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I spent 2 weeks being a true New Yorker, instead of a commuter, and in those 2 weeks, I lived more than I have in the past 2 years. I met the most amazing people, embraced the serenity of Central Park, danced in front of hundreds of people on 24th and Park,took the 7 to Queens to see a Mets game (gasp!) strolled through Strawberry fields, and so much more....

People would be hard pressed to understand the significance and impact of my reprieve in being a true New Yorker.While I was embracing the new direction life had taken me,my "epic misadventure" with the one who shall remain unnamed was crumbling.The aforementioned,signed h
is name on a paper that irrecoverably would alter mine and his lives forever.People say that act is for the best; time will tell.The shock has worn off, aided by a few good friends and Eminem's recovery(especially 25 to Life) being on repeat day in and day out.Shock was at 1st replaced with regret, then anger as an outreach to reverse the decision went unheeded.

Jekyll is gone and Hyde is at the helm.And I..I lay to rest my old friend Jekyll and embrace the Fairytale of New York.

I Dreamed a Dream...

in time gone by.

When hope was high and life worth living.

I dreamed that love would never die...

Then I was young and unafraid.

And dreams were made and used and wasted...

No song unsung, no wine untasted.

And still I dream he’d come to me.

That we would live the years together...

there are storms we cannot weather...

So different now from what it seemed..

But there are dreams that cannot be.

My Super is Such a...

Creeper!! I was putting stuff in my storage unit 1 day..in the basement..darkly lit..and I turned around to leave and boom there he was. He always tries to drag out conversations. The cops were called 1 day..my "friend" and I were being too loud..it was Saturday night..we were nakies..you get the point ;)

He knocked on my door this am. I was still in my pj's working on my laptop and knew it was him. I ignored his first 2 knocks. Then he pounded on the door a la the cops, so I finally answered. There he stood in all his over-weight creeper glory..wait for it..holding a pizza box. I was informed that I can't put pizza boxes in the recycling bin..WTF? Since when? cus of bugs. I was like okay..what about all the other pizza boxes I see in recycling bin? Then he smiled his best creeper smile and asked what I was up to.

This evening, I was back in my pj's speaking on the phone. I stepped out into the hallway for a second, went back in, and then again went back out. I made my way to the garbage disposal (still on the phone) and as I"m about a step away from my door, the weirdo was coming up the staircase. He looks at me and goes, you gotta go in, I got a call. WTF?! What the hell is wrong not only with this guy? But with the people in this building? I've lived here for well over a year and have never had issues. Since when is it a crime to talk on your phone while taking out the garbage??

I'm over the creeper superintendent. I'm over these whacked out neighbors. I'm over 511.

She's Off to Never Never Land...

A little under a year ago, I met the Bells. At the time, she wasn't the Bells, in fact we didn't know her name. We didn't know much of her story, but we knew she needed a home. Bella was immediately dubbed the Stoner cus she had eye issues and looked as if she was on a permanent magical trip! Other nicknames were to follow: Rena, Bam Bam, Trainwreck, Beans, Freckle Face, Hells Bells...

She was a character and a half; a trooper. She was lovely and fun-loving. She was an opportunist; stealthy watching you with your tea, cheese, pizza, etc. waiting for the right moment to strike and nab your snack! And she always had to be reassured that the oven wasn't holding a tasty morsel or 2. Just as you'd turn to tell her off, she'd look at you with those bloodshot eyes and that sad smile and just like that, the rant was over.

To me, she was Ma Bella Ami...the Bells. And she was my drinking buddy. Imagine my delight the first time I cracked open a Coors Light and she came running! She loved the sound of a top being popped and I loved nothing more than to indulge her. Our drinking sessions were temporarily suspended a while back because she was having some health issues. However, the temporary ban was lifted during the recent Christmas festivities and her and I partook in one of our favorite past-times. Me with a paper crown on my head and her with her bloodshot eyes, we toasted to the day when the ban would be permanently lifted. I gave her a kiss on her freckles and my cheek got a big wet one.

I will always be glad for that moment in time; it was to be our last drinking session...today, the bells toll for the Bells.